My #1 Body Shame
Someone close to me struggling with body shame asked me recently if I struggle with body shame at all. My initial response … “…nope…don’t think so.”
Then after some reflection I realized I actually DO! And I honestly got excited because I know exactly how to conquer it!
This abdomen … it doesn’t bother me that it’s not toned. I love my squishies. A lot! I’m proud of them and I’ve worked HARRRRRRRD to get a few rolls! And those stretch marks … I wouldn’t trade them for anything!
It’s the hair. The pubic hair. All the way up to my belly button. In my early teens I was repeatedly told by a close female relative that men don’t like hairy women – it’s not feminine. And then she frequently poked – literally poked – at my tender stomach while teasing.
It’s the scars. Second degree burns. I accidentally spilled boiling water on myself in my early teens – of all things!…after years of confidently and safely cooking in the kitchen! The same shame I felt over making such a simple yet dangerous mistake coupled with the humiliating way I was treated in the ER only fueled the shame.
It’s the pelvic floor dysfunction and diastasis recti – obvious evidence of my body’s failure to “bounce back” after child birth.
Somehow it all adds up to “I’M NOT feminine and womanly ENOUGH. If I only had no pubic hair up to my belly button I wouldn’t have been abused in my own home … If I only had been more feminine and graceful like a real woman I wouldn’t have spilled boiling water on myself … if my body were truly woman-like it would repair itself after childbirth.” Etc.
But as I think about my abdomen, these stomach muscles, tendons, and connective tissues absorbed and dispersed the hundreds of violent blows growing up and protected me from organ damage. They cushioned my organs during a serious car accident – absorbing a high-velocity impact! They held me together and helped me stand – even when most of the soft tissues had been torn in my body during the accident. They carried me erect through months of recovery. It was these very same muscles, tendons and connective tissues that carried and protected my little girl to full term, and then safely, consistently, and dependably pushed her earthside – on their own! It is them that help me stand when I’m fatigued. It is this blemished, hyper-pigmented, pimple-covered tummy skin that protected my organs from being scalded; that filled itself up with sterile healing fluids, sacrificing and beautifully using its own dead layers to perfectly and safely encase the wounds.
My eyes are opened. My body. IS.AMAZING! Oh my abdomen, thank you for keeping me so safe through so much trauma!
What has your abdomen done for you?
