Christmas Time Healing Time

I’ve been fairly quiet lately. Just a few stories, “likes”, comments, and DMs here and there on Instagram.

My very first holiday season as an “official” adult was one of the most traumatic times of my life. I had left home one morning on my bike, planning to go to work, attend classes (my first semester of college), go to work again, and then do my nightly home and farm responsibilities. Little did I know that leaving that morning with just my bike, the clothes on my back, and half my textbooks would somehow result in me never stepping foot in my childhood home again.

When the unexpected moment of deliverance arrived… I never even expected a deliverance to really happen. But it did. There was a great rush to protect me and keep me safe. I had to immediately quit both my part-time jobs. Leave all my belongings. Withdraw the remaining $290 to my name. Stop attending 19 credits-worth of classes, potentially forfeiting two half-ride scholarships. And hunker down in a safe place until the danger passed.

I was homeless. Jobless. And seeing the real possibility of missing what I thought was my only opportunity for education and a career. Devastated. Destined to poverty. Isolated out of necessity. Terrified I’d never “make it”. Shocked at the reality of the extreme amounts of trauma and loss of my childhood. Deeply grieving the loss of my future and two half-ride scholarships… gone. All of it.

This December I’ve been spending time with my tender, grieving, shocked, terrified, terrorized, traumatized 18-year-old self. She has needed me to hold her. To cry and weep with her. To acknowledge all that belongs to her story. To just be with her between precious moments with my daughter.

That’s where I have been and what I’ve been doing during my absence from instagram and blogging.

For all of you wondering how the story “ended”, I will tell you.

God intervened. He sent mortal and unseen angels. With the remaining $290 I was able to secure a shared room in an apartment close to campus. Local members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints helped provide clothing, food, and other necessities until I obtained two more part-time jobs.

My professors – even the most strict ones – were all gracious and merciful. Though I missed 3 weeks of school I ended that semester with a 3.65 GPA – the highest GPA I have ever received to date! I made it on the Dean’s List that semester! And I kept my scholarships.

My much-beloved possessions that I left behind…? Miracles. More miraculous means were provided for me to obtain many of my personal belongings that I was forced to leave behind.

To all the angels working overtime that one holiday season years ago – thank you. And to God … I’m speechless. Because of Him … I can see and feel my story. I can own and embrace my story. I can rejoice in and share my story. I can be gentle with myself and others. Because of Him my story goes on…

What are you doing to turn your Hard Christmas Time into a Healing Time? I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!